On My Mind….Do Your Own Thing

I struggle everyday to ignore the voice in my head that wants bread and pizza and cupcakes. Each day I resist is a win. My body feels better. I have energy. I lose a little more of the weight I carry and my clothes fit better. Not all eating disorders make you ‘skinny’; they all make you unhealthy, though. It’s disordered eating if you use food to substitute for something else (love, boredom, loneliness). It’s my way of making discomfort and pain go away. But, in truth, living this way makes the pain worse, physically and mentally. Disordered eating is an addiction, like alcohol and drugs. Once you realize that, you can look at others with compassion. Everyone is fighting something. No one is happy all the time and if they tell you they are, well, it’s just not true. Social media has all of us putting our best face forward – only a handful of people share their authentic real-life experiences. It’s a catch-22; should we be real or should we only show the good things? The “good things only” approach gives us the false sense that everyone is happy (except for us), while the “my life sucks, give me love” posters, while telling their truth, are looking for some validation and comfort, as well.

So, what’s the solution? I’m no expert, but, how about not believing everything you read and not comparing yourself and your life to others? Easier said than done, of course. But it’s something I practice at every day. I can get mired in my pity party when I compare my life to my Facebook friends….her husband is so thoughtful (maybe she’s just reinforcing his ‘good behavior’ because she’s training him?); her hair is so perfect (after the 20th selfie shot); she is always having so much fun (why would she share her boring moments of loads of laundry and dusting?); her artwork is so amazing and mine looks like a toddler did it (because she’s not showing you all her ‘bad’ pages).  I challenge everyone to find your passion and don’t care if your high school lab partner/boyfriend’s mother/guy you had a crush on in college likes it on Facebook or retweets it.

Do the things you like. If you don’t want to put pictures in your blog post because you just want to get something off your chest and are not worried about being ‘pinned’…then do it (wink). I allow myself to get so bogged down because of perceived expectations of imaginary readers, that I haven’t posted since last October. I’m trapped in my perfectionist mind….but not today!

Follow your heart, too.



Let’s get real – Part 1

I’ve been fiddling around with this blog for almost a year, trying to figure out what I wanted to add to the already crowded blogosphere. After some starts and stops and a lot of soul searching, I decided I wanted to share all the things I love and how they help me make my life sparkle…but I also wanted to share how I found my sparkle and I can’t do that without sharing how I lost it in the first place.

Get ready…’S about to get real, my dears!
For the past 20 years, I’ve found myself in one unhealthy relationship or another. I have a marriage that didn’t work out, several controlling ex’s, and a food addiction under my belt. As I experienced one failure after another in my personal life, I turned to food for comfort, love, and numbness. While I raised 2 smart, funny, talented kids during this time, I struggled to keep the ‘real me’ alive under the weight of my life – physical weight problems, financial troubles, clutter, job dissatisfaction, crippling anxiety and fear, and unfulfilling romantic relationships.

I settled for less than I deserved for a really, really long time because I didn’t feel worthy of anything good. I felt like my kids were my gift to the world, and they are, but there is so much more to me.

I’m just getting started figuring how to be all the things I want to be. I’m making my life a masterpiece, the vision I had for myself as a young, hopeful girl. I’ve re-opened my life up to all the things I’m passionate about: music, art, books, theatre, dance, friends.

I want to share some of my exploration and my journey of how I got back the ‘real me’ that was under all this weight.

It was a long journey, and I’m going to be honest, it was hard work…it still is.

In Part Two, I’ll share with you a little of my personal story about how things fell apart and how I am putting the pieces back together.

In Part Three, I’ll share the things that have inspired me and make me excited to wake up every morning.

One final thought….let’s be clear here, I’m not looking for validation, judgement, or pity. I’m sharing my story to help others like me get their groove back by inviting beauty into their lives. Any comments that are purposely negative will be deleted, ‘k?